I have been racking my brain about what to write this week. Truthfully, I don’t want to write at all this week– the uncertainty and current conditions have made me especially grumpy. But, I want to show myself that even though I’m grumpy I can fulfill my commitments that I live in faith, and not fear.
Right now, I’m reminded of a saying my son taught me: “Sometimes it’s okay not to be okay”.
Typically, I shame myself when I have negative thoughts; I shame myself when I do not want to do something; and I shame myself when I feel like I have not shown up in a positive manner.
When shaming myself for reasons like these, I ignore my humanity. This ignores that sometimes it’s okay to accept that I am grumpy, that I am scared, that I am fearful– yet even in these times I can be grateful too.
I want to be very clear: I accepted my negative state– and then I decided that I don’t want to stay in it for an extended period of time.
I think my lesson here is that I’m allowed to let myself feel badly for a period of time. I don’t have to immediately get over it. I don’t have to feel badly or guilty that I’m not appreciating all that I have. I used to be afraid that if I didn’t appreciate something, I would lose it. Sometimes it takes me being sad, fearful, angry, and lonely to get to the other side of things, but if I don’t allow myself to feel those feelings– to process them– they will continue to come back until I do so.
You see, all of my feelings are messages. And, it’s when I give myself the time to not be okay, I then seek the meaning of the message behind my feelings, and I’m able to get to the other side of things. The key is to wallow– just not for too long.
In my tradition, when a loved one dies, we sit shiva for a week and we mourn for a year. The message to me is that this time of mourning is crucial to our recovery from pain.
This week, accept that some days aren’t going to be great, and some times are really going to be rotten, but these times too shall pass if you allow yourself to walk through them.
Accountability, Community, Unconditional Love