Depression, addiction, compulsions, anxiety, overeating… I have so often heard, “why can’t people have willpower, why can’t they just stop, why can’t they be happy, how selfish is it to kill oneself, get over yourself, what is wrong with you, go get help, and so on and so forth.
Let me start by saying, as someone that deals with these issues, we wish we could just get over it. We wish we had the willpower to stop, we wish our minds didn’t share with us negative stories, we wish we weren’t anxious, we wish we didn’t need to find short term solutions to long term challenges–i.e. eating, using substances, drinking, working too much– you name the behavior.
Shame is actually the greatest factor in continuing the negative behaviors. Shame is our greatest barrier from getting help.
Firstly, don’t tell anyone you know how they feel and to get over it; if they could, don’t you think they would? Let’s start by having some empathy, and lending a helping hand.
Now, a helping hand doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want– it means letting them know you love them no matter what, and being willing to do whatever it takes to help them if, and when they are ready. Helping means offering a safe space where they can feel safe to share their pain, and allowing each and every person to heal themselves.
Now, calling suicide selfish– I can understand how those who have lost someone to suicide can feel that way. I’m in no way discounting their feelings. What I am saying, is that someone who attempts suicide or succeeds is in pain. They are truly suffering, so let’s find some compassion, empathy, and kindness. Let’s offer that listening and caring ear.
I would love to hear your thoughts and perspectives.
This week, let’s mean it when we ask someone how they are doing. Let’s listen carefully and give them the space to be seen and heard– you have no idea what an impact that makes in someone’s life.
Accountability, Community, Unconditional Love
I want to remind all of you that you can hear more on my podcast, Showing Up. We have lots of amazing shows with interesting guests on a variety of personal development topics. It would be great if you could also rate 5 stars, review and subscribe to the show. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/showing-up-with-asher-gottesman/id1489856285y